we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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