I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
