when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
