um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
