Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
