How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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