Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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