I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
