last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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