Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
