question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
