Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
