I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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