It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
