And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
