Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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