3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
