the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
