you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
