Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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