Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
this just has baby written all over it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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