I showed him my bush... on skype.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
