I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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