I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
