i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
