Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
