get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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