Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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