"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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