Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
