i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
