dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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