Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
