i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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