Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
"it" just moved
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
