i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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