I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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