this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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