butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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