I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
