When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
