That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
