i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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