my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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