I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
