why didn't you poke me back
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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