So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
