so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
