Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
