made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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