idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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